Networking Anxiety for Keynote Speakers: You’re Really Not Alone
If you’ve ever struggled with sweaty palms, a racing heartbeat, and overwhelming anxiety at a networking event, you’re not alone. Be honest: were you going to break into Eminem?
Are you a keynote speaker who is nervous about networking?
I’ve been there. I once stood in front of a room presenting a business case at a conference when my mouth went incredibly dry: think THE SAHARA, dry. I couldn’t get hydrated no matter what I tried. While that wasn’t a networking event, a lot of the psychological elements were the same: being in front of people, trying to engage with them, wanting them to feel warm to what I was presenting. The anxiety, the pressure, the discomfort: it all felt remarkably similar to being in a room full of strangers at a networking event.
You’re Really Not Alone
A few weeks ago, I posted something on LinkedIn asking playfully about what great networking is, asking only for wrong answers. One person said, “can I just say any networking?” They clearly weren’t a fan. They went on to share that networking is really challenging because they’re introverted, suffer from anxiety, they’re not great with social cues or eye contact, and they experience sensory overload.
That’s a lot. And I can certainly appreciate all of these things because I’ve either felt them myself or experienced them vicariously through others.
Here’s what I’ve learned: many people actually don’t enjoy these events.
While the raging extroverts run around the room having a wonderful time, entertaining and regaling their (sometimes captive) audience, the introverts and ambiverts are just trying to make it through conversations.
You have a shared psychology with more people in that room than you think.
A Simple Reframe That Changes Everything
Here’s something that’s helped countless people I’ve worked with over the years: stop thinking of it as “networking” and start thinking of it as making a new friend.
Even the most introverted person knows how to make a friend. It’s about being kind. It’s about being curious. It’s about connecting with others. That’s it.
Ready to conquer THIS
level of event?
Practical Strategies to Combat Networking Anxiety for Professional Speakers
Bring a Wing Person
For most events, you can take a friend who can be your bridge to help catalyze conversations when they’re feeling labored or challenging. This is a perfect time to get a friend who’s an extrovert to go with you. Just make sure they know their job is to help you in the conversation and be part of it: not to abandon you while they work the room.
Use Curiosity and Ask Great Questions
One of the best things I’ve learned comes from Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People. He talks extensively about how to ask great questions and use that as a means to create opportunity for conversation. Often, if you ask great questions, you’re considered a great conversationalist, even if you’re talking minimally about yourself.
Try questions like:
- “What are you most looking forward to in the coming months?” This taps into people’s emotions, passions, and what’s most important to them. It’s a great way to open a conversation and look for points of commonality.
- “Is this your first time at this event?” This can open doors to talk about past experiences, people they know, or why they’re there: all pathways for deeper conversation.
Use Physical Techniques to Manage Anxiety
From a physiological standpoint, try something physical. If you’re standing by a bar, grab it and physically squeeze to help shake out some of that nervous energy.
You can also use deep breathing.
And here’s one I learned recently: humming for about two minutes can have an interesting impact on cortisol and lessen stress. I wouldn’t suggest doing this in front of a crowd, but maybe you step outside or into a private bathroom and use that time to take a breath, take a moment, and relax.
Set Small, Specific Goals
Going into an event with a plan can be incredibly helpful. If you know people who’ll be there, identify two to three people you want to connect with and have a high-level goal for each conversation.
It might be something simple like asking what they’re working on or what their priorities are. You might want to invite them for coffee: that could be the goal.
If you don’t know anyone in the room and don’t have specific goals outlined, set a goal to tell one to three people who you are and what you do. If that feels overwhelming, tell one person. Accomplishing a goal, no matter how big or small, is a victory: remember that!
Build on Small Wins
It’s interesting what happens when you successfully tell one person who you are and what you do.
When a goal is set and accomplished, the brain experiences a surge of dopamine, creating a sense of pleasure and satisfaction. This positive reinforcement encourages you to repeat the behavior.
I know from my own experience that I’ve gotten better at being more comfortable in rooms over time.
I no longer sweat as I try to shake someone’s hand. That doesn’t mean I don’t struggle when I meet people, but in general, I’m much more comfortable in my own skin.
And when you have that feeling, when anxiety creeps up, you’re much better equipped to confront it.
(Of course, I’m talking about limited anxiety. If you have severe challenges with anxiety, I’d encourage you to consult with a professional who can help you process these feelings so that you feel more readily able to do the work and the connecting that you need and want to do.)
You Have to Try
There’s a funny story from an event I attended once. There was a gentleman sitting on a couch, and a friend was clearly imploring him to go out and socialize. He was very uncomfortable and said, “I just don’t want to meet people.”
Well, he didn’t have to worry: he didn’t meet anyone that night, because he didn’t even try.
You’ll never succeed if you don’t try.
Your Next Step
If you have an event coming up, be intentional about planning ahead. Who might be there? What’s one small goal you can set? If it’s impromptu, focus on connecting with just one or two people. That’s enough.
And remember: you’re not trying to work the room. You’re just trying to make a friend.
I’m cheering for you!