Are you reaching out to the right people when networking?
Don’t mistake be kind for expertise when you’re networking
Are you reaching out to the right people?
Something that I really enjoy as a part of my work is being able to help people. In fact, it’s one of the things that I enjoy most.
The problem is (like all people), I run into constraints in my ability to help people: things like time, energy, and expertise.
I recently had someone reach out to me to connect that I didn’t know, and they shared that they had seen some of my interactions with others and wanted to connect.
While very polite, what they were communicating to me in wanting suggestions of firms where their experience could be immensely useful, for me, they were immediately becoming a tax.
Now, I don’t think this person realized that they are framing and positioning, and approach was doing this, but by giving me a typical “I’m a skilled racecar driver, and I would love to find the right opportunity for my next racing team: who should I talk to?”, now it’s in my court to start thinking of the answers to those questions.
Be Strategic (and Kind) with Your Networking
The problem? I’m not a racecar driver. I don’t know anybody who drives race cars.
So, my redirect to this person was to consider talking to other racecar drivers and to develop a top 10 list of racing teams that they would want to be involved with as a racecar driver.
The reality is, when you’re looking for opportunities, it is not the responsibility of the person that you are connecting with to tell you what firms would work and what you should do.
What is a whole lot easier for them? If you’ve already identified your top 10 list, and you see that I’m connected with someone at your top 10 list, you could reach out and give me the background: “ I’m a race car driver that is looking to drive for Ferrari and I saw that you have a second-degree connection there: do you know that person well enough that you could introduce me?”
The Value of Money in the Bank
Now, this is better than the original approach, but it’s still not great: why? It’s 100% transactional.
Other than if I want to be nice to you and if I have the time, you have forced me into yes or no situation.
Years ago, I trained as a teacher and one of my professors, Vince Ryan, talked to us about the value of having money in the bank with people. That’s parents, colleagues, student, students, etc.
What he meant by having money in the bank is that you wanted to show kindness, add value, invest in the person, etc. Because at some point, if you need to make a withdrawal, you would still have a very positive balance in the bank.
When it comes to online networking, you can put deposits in the bank by doing things like commenting, liking, asking questions, reposting, sharing, original posts that highlight the person’s work, etc.
I talk about the mall rule (something I coined): basically, if you wouldn’t do it at the mall, don’t do it online.
Other than if you are the person that is selling a credit card at a store, you would never go up to someone at the mall that you don’t know and say, would you like to buy this? Or, you would never say “ I need 10 minutes of your time and I’m not going to give you anything in exchange”: most people would just walk away, or they might tell you plainly or more colourfully to go away.
So, why do this in online networking?
If you have no money in the bank: that is, if you have no trust in rapport built with a person, you are entirely gambling that they will take their time and work for you with unknown or no promise of any return.
Being an expert
So, while you need to focus on building trust and rapport with people before asking them, you also need to figure out:
- Who the racecar drivers are
- Who the racecar team owners are
- Who are the sponsors?
- Where do these people hang out? How do they build relationships? What do they value?
Looking for a job in 2025 is hard. Don’t make it harder on yourself by asking a farmer about race car drivers. And, if the farmer does know the race car driver, bring the farmer some coffee at break time, bring some fuel for the tractor, or bring some bales of hay.
Once you have trust and rapport, it creates the opportunity to ask. Don’t gamble on a transactional approach.